I call these small projects Palette Cleansers because I paint them in between other big projects like whole army units or big figures and terrain. The Nolzur Minis by Wizkids are cheap, already assembled and primed. They can be frustrating with mold lines, but they are decent enough at 3 ft. These usually come in two sculpts per pack. I picked one and surplused the other for trades or teaching others how to paint.
Saturday, May 25, 2024
Nolzur's Marvelous Minis - Palette Cleansers
Golden Dragonborn Sorcerer
Classic Barbarian with Sword
Warmage with Spear
Mustard-colored Wizard with Staff
Bronze/Gold Dragonborn Cleric or Wizard with Staff and flowing Blue and White Cloak
Red Dragonborn Cleric with Green Mace
Purple Wizard with Green Fire and Staff
Black Dragonborn with Spear and Shield
Friday, October 6, 2023
Reading Lilith's Brood after Black Lives Matter
DEF CON 31 had Octavia Butler's Lilith's Brood/Xenogenesis series on it's reading list next to Snow Crash. This recommendation came after the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests which brought antiracist and critical Black history topics to the forefront of public life. Cold War and genetic engineering fears appear throughout without feeling dated, and the three novels remain provocative as they are firmly steeped in the author's American upbringing in Black culture. The old and new contexts brought out the enduring richness of this landmark Black sci-fi author's work.
Lilith, the series' namesake, takes the reader through her personal salvation at the hands of an alien species. Salvation comes at a price for humanity as a whole, and it brings to mind historical and societal dilemmas of colonizers and colonized, enslavers and enslaved, and generational consequences to descendants of these groups. The aliens are the Oankali, a multi-system species of natural genetic engineers. They are collectors of genetic difference, and they use the genes they collect to improve themselves as they move from star to star. The action is driven by the aliens who claim that humanity has lost the right to earth due to their fierce intelligence combined with hierarchical nature leading to nuclear war. The humans that remain are sterilized and ushered into a breeding program where the Oankali will mix a new species that overcomes this core conflict in human nature.
Elements of Black history are recalled throughout the novels. The Oankali remove tumors from Lilith in an episode that recalls the plight of Henrietta Lacks who provided the initial cells for the first immortalized cell lines called HeLa, and consent is further challenged as it is revealed that children are produced from cell lines of dead or aging humans in the name of saving the species. Children produced from unions and admixture of alien DNA is a central point of later novels. The revulsion in humans that parent admixed children recalls discussions in the African American community of what life must have been like for enslaved people that had children by their enslavers, and it explores generational implications of such couplings for both parents and children. These are obviously informed by the author's personal experience as well as historical accounts of abuse and discrimination against those of African descent in the Americas. Those looking for similar examples that will shock and horrify you should seek out recent popular literature such as Ibram X Kendi's Stamped from the Beginning and the journalistic 1619 Project.
The speculative framework dispenses with some broader cultural discussions without feeling dismissive. The Earth has been colonized, for good or for ill, and the humans have deeply limited choices. Yet this is not a colonial narrative that lauds benevolent overseers for saving benighted natives. Humans never give up on Lilith's original plan to "Run, Hide, and Fight," and the human characters do not romanticize their plight as something fortunate. The concession the humans extract from the Oankali by creating a non-admixed human colony on Mars is explicitly called out for what it is: a glorified reservation. The damage is done to Earth, so it is incumbent for the humans to decide what to do next. The aliens, to their credit, recognize that they make mistakes and commit serial offenses even as they desperately try to integrate humans into their galactic lifecycle in a uniquely alien and much deeper way than historical colonizers have ever admitted or attempted.
After a summer of protests and lockdown reading lists, Butler's adventure on and above a remade Earth shows how deeply human power dynamics of oppressor and oppressed are. While alien pheromones strip consent and poison unions, the books never answer whether Lilith was right when she started the admixture of humans and Oankali. No one ever lets her forget her role as "the Judas goat." This is not a tale of liberation through force or thought. It is an exploration of consequence and implication when the immovable alien force overtakes a wounded people and runs up against an immovable will to be human. Even as the third book comes to a close, the admixed inhabitants of Lo establish their humanity through perseverance rather than force. Withdrawal of consent, even temporarily, becomes radical when coercion is structural, biological. These have echoes in strikes, riots and protests that rocked the US and the world. We might not have total control of our selves, our emissions, and the external implications of our purchases and relationships. But even a temporary withdrawal of consent can give us power to change the deeper structure of our evolving society.
Thursday, April 6, 2023
Catan’s Legacy: The Passing of Klaus Teuber
Some board game designers are mathematicians and churn out balanced experiences with finely tuned mechanics. Some are computer scientists whose games are too complicated to contemplate. Klaus Teuber was a dental technician who launched a revolution. He passed this week at 70 from a sudden and severe illness (https://www.npr.org/2023/04/05/1168256131/catan-board-game-klaus-teuber-dies). Allow me to add to the chorus of retrospectives to eulogize and celebrate him.
Klaus entered my life through college neighbors and date nights. Indirect competition was a welcome relief from Monopoly, though its roll-for-resources turns are eerily similar. My copy of Catan still bills itself as “The Settlers of Catan,” with a decidedly colonial illustration on the front. This perspective was all too common in the interregnum between Avalon Hill’s heyday and the very golden age it kicked off, and the switch was a bellwether of larger industry growth and acceptance. It introduced so many people to the hallmarks of the Golden Age to come: A deck of cards replaces the dice to even out the odds of each number showing up, gold salves player frustration over wasted turns, and endless spin-offs for every player-count, taste, and budget allow players to craft their favorite version. Catan was my first truly modern game.
My dad was an old-school war gamer. Hex and chit classics littered the top shelves of our closets. His old lead soldiers mixed in with my Lego (gulp). We played Risk and Hero Quest with him as a child, Warhammer for summers home from college, and Star Realms as his health declined. We played Catan together. We played everything together. Before I knew it, he was gone. He would be turning 70 this May.
Catan shaped my gaming life. I played it again for the first time with my kid in Klaus’ honor. No expansions or house rules. It took ten minutes before someone said, “I’ve got wood for sheep,” and the dice hated me all night, just like old times. Its clunky charm was amplified by memories of games past. I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend the evening.
Klaus won’t be the first titan to leave us. Remember that his most famous creation didn’t become truly great without moving forward. And it never would have woven itself into the fabric of our lives without being worth countless sessions with those we love most. Let’s play one in his honor and keep moving forward.
Tuesday, July 5, 2022
The Longest Goodbye: Dementia’s Impact on Caregivers
Note: This post is a part of a series detailing my family's fight with dementia and elder abuse.
Your loved one is finally safe. Whether they are with you at home, or they’re in a skilled memory care facility built to handle their needs, you have handled the most traumatic portions of their care, and you have a roadmap to ensure they are cared for until you have to say goodbye forever. Along the way, it is incredibly likely that you have neglected your own needs while seeing to those of your partner, parent, or trusting friend. This is an account of the curve balls dementia threw at us, and what I did to ensure dementia didn’t rob me of the pride and confidence I should have after handling such heartbreaking circumstances. And it’s a log of all the ways I get to say goodbye one last time.
I’ll start with self-doubt because it hits the hardest and earliest. There was suspicion that something wasn’t right almost with my grandfather five years before he entered memory care. The doubt started with me questioning who my grandfather was after my grandmother died. When he let transients destroy his house and fought their eviction, was it him under all the erratic behavior, or was he actually sick? This cut me, as a caregiver, to my core. How could I have been a good grandson when I let this happen? Was I too busy with my own life to see the signs? But the objective truth was that my brother and I did what we could as soon as we could, and our efforts were neither insufficient nor did they overstep boundaries.
When I look back, the diagnosis and financial control that finally got him the totality of services he needed was not some decisive lightning stroke but instead a culmination of almost twenty years of care and guidance. It started when Trust papers were drawn up by my grandfather before I’d even gone to college. It continued through evictions and wellness checks that didn’t go our way, and it is still running as my brother and I navigate his life in memory care amid his declining health and our own personal challenges.
I fought doubt by remembering that just being there for him was more than most people could handle. The anxious calls from neighbors and extended family were helpful, but we were the ones that had to file eviction paperwork and wait for the constable to arrive. We had to deal with lawyers and detectives, doctors and nurses, to make sure all his needs were taken care of. And he would not be where he is today without our help. The reward from this exercise was a quiet affirmation in your own memory of how you helped when they needed it most. Something that would outlast their forgetfulness.
The second challenge is exhaustion. You can only do so much for your loved-one. It is OK to pause your attention for a moment, an afternoon, a weekend, to ensure you are not overwhelmed. Dementia has no cure. It is a progressive disease. Abusers may attempt to weaponize your absence, dementia may drive your loved one to fall apart as soon as you step away, and every call from the staff at the home will put your heart back into your throat. The fight is long, and your loved one will not fare better if you end up at the end of your rope. Take some time for sleep, food, and general decompression after dealing with dementia issues for an extended period of time. Reading about dementia can be helpful, but put down the research and pick up a fun fiction book once in a while. Write poetry, sing in the car, or find affirmations to recite when you get down. We’re in a journal and set milestones on your path to help you measure how much you have contributed to improving their quality of life. Taking stock in a quiet time, even if you have to use ear plugs to make it, will keep you supplied with enough spoons for the bigger challenges.
While I don’t have experience living with a loved one with dementia in my own home, memory care has presented its own unique set of challenges to my self-image as a caregiver. Separation made me feel neglectful for placing them in 24hr care. Worse, Covid hit less than a year after entering care, and they were in quarantine for much longer than anyone thought. I felt like I had to say goodbye without the assurance that I would ever see him again. This idea that only inattentive people send relatives to care homes could not have been further from the truth. Getting them into care cause an immediate jump in their stability. Better still, it was a huge weight off the shoulders of our family. My grandfather was admitted to memory care over the Thanksgiving holiday, and he was acclimated and forgetting his abusers by Christmas. Animosity towards family members took longer to ebb, but the staff played a huge role in redirecting his attention.
In general, rely on the staff and their assessment of the needs of your loved one. You might visit or call periodically, but they’re there every day, all day. And there are plenty of opportunities to see to the needs of your charge. Each facility is different, but you may need to arrange hair cuts, outside doctor visits, and prescription refills. You may be able to pick up your loved one for lunch. Trust the judgement of the staff, and take the time they give you to regain the energy you need to work for yourself. Despite the tragic accounts you hear on the news of abusive caregivers, most care facilities are not bad places. Trust the research you did before admission. Trust the doctors and nurses on staff, and trust your own instincts when talking or visiting. While your care and attentiveness are just as vital now as before, being on guard every moment is not helpful. Relying on other providers to be there in the case of a fall, a bout of dementia-caused depression or confusion, or an afternoon meal means you get to choose to help without becoming resentful.
I have a family and career that means I cannot devote all my time to handling the needs of my grandfather. Even if I did have the time, it is not healthy to spend it all in their service. If you are not able to find or afford a care home, be sure to spread out your obligations to your loved one through adult day care, other family members, or even their old friends and family of similar age. It takes a village to handle the needs of your loved one. Don’t close yourself off to help out of stigma or a sense of martyrdom.
The cynic in me wants to be melancholic about how we treat people with dementia. At worst, I am confronted with a feeling that we are warehousing our loved ones. At prohibitive cost, we may be draining generational wealth to, at-best, ensure a minimal quality of life or stave off a progressive disease in a single person. The broader existential questions raised by dementia healthcare and similar chronic and debilitating conditions should never overshadow the real care you provide for your loved one day after day. You are moving mountains. You are providing loving care. And they can feel your love even if they can no longer express it in words.
Having a loved one with dementia means that you get to say the longest goodbye. They may have lost the ability to express their feelings in the same way, but they can feel your calm and care every time you visit with them for just a bit longer.
This is not a comprehensive log of all struggles you may face by any means. But I hope these personal accounts can help you overcome what dementia throws at you. And I hope it can give you the strength to withstand those challenges to see a better day when we know more and can do more to help the ones we love.
Friday, October 8, 2021
Selling Lego - Memories and Moving On
Moving across the country with a 26ft U-Haul afforded a lot of wiggle roomwhen deciding what to move, and I wasn't ready to part with my most sentimental items. I wasn't prepared for the emotional flood when a friend suggested I part ways with my childhood Lego block collection. They were milestones of my childhood: I could recall which ones I got when, and the time I spent assembling castles or space ships seemed like bastions of stability in the midst of family turmoil. I was an especially fastidious child, and I made sure I had all the instructions, and I even have a scrapbook of letters I sent to Lego of America looking to reclaim a few pieces that had gone missing. I was obsessed.
I discovered a Bricks and Minifigs in our local mall, and my ears perked up when they said they bought old sets. After 12 long years of waiting, I realized my son just wasn't into them, and Marie Kondo'ing the lot seemed more and more attractive than keeping them. The rules were the collection had to be unpolluted by inferior MegaBlocks and K'NEX. They also couldn't have damaged bricks that had fallen to teeth, sun, and other damage. They would pay a premium for complete sets and would also buy in bulk. So I had my work cut out for me:
In the end, I organized by color to make the assembly and culling easier, and then I assembled all the sets I could muster. Countless yard sale acquisitions and thrift store hauls meant I was swimming in Tyco and Megablox as well as a fair amount of discarded Happy Meal toys. Fifty liters of Lego dwindled to a few hard-to-categorize pieces as we pawed and pushed. I made one last ditch effort to see if my son showed enough interest to keep them, but alas. He was more interested in the sale and conversion to cash and other fun activities. As we assembled and found pieces had gone missing. In almost all cases, an hour in the bins at the resale store lead me to the right pieces. We were whole again!
Wednesday, October 6, 2021
Tools for Painting Miniatures
Brushes
Time for retirement, old friends |
Keep your old crappy watercolor brushes for applying shades and washes |
My standard kit |
Curling bristles are normal, and they can get into tight corners! |
Standard drybrush kit |
Citadel Colours App
Storage for Paint
Painting Handle
The Wet Palette
On sale, it was cheapest of my options |
All layers visible (palette, folded paper towel pad, and parchment) |
All soaked up; you can see the water beading on the surface |